That really does seem like it’s all my boyfriend and I do. The thing that’s different about this relationship is I’m always the one doing the breaking up. Then immediately after, I regret it. I guess I don’t deal with confrontation very well. I am so used to guys leaving me that I anticipate it. This man is not that type who just runs at the first sign of trouble. I expect him to react that way, so I try to beat him to the punch. We are taking a little break…mostly so I can get my mind together.
I don’t want to hurt him anymore and he is tired of my crap, so we are not going to date again until I have things under control. I know I love him and want to be with him, but that’s not enough. We both want a healthy adult relationship. I have never had one of those(romantically). I developed some very negative habits in my 10 years of dating. I am determined to break this destructive cycle. I will no longer let the men who hurt me in the past control my life. I want to be happy. I am taking control of my life.
I have recently admitted to myself that I have an addiction. I won’t say what it is. There may actually be more than one. Anyway, I’m taking the steps necessary to get my life in order. I will be 30 years old in less than two months. Time really flies when you’re not having fun. Lol. Just kidding. I have had some fun, but I have experienced a lot of pain as well. Who hasn’t? The important thing is God has kept me through it all. I’m still standing. I bent, but I did not break. Thirty is going to be amazing!!! I am going to achieve my goals. I don’t know how long it will take, but I’m willing to put in the work. Can’t spend anymore time watching life pass me by. I am going to write that novel. I am going to get married and have children. I am going to move into my dream home. There’s plenty of time. No rush. Or there might not be much time. Only God knows. I better get started, so I can at least say I tried. God bless. Happy Autumn!