Break up to make up…

That really does seem like it’s all my boyfriend and I do.  The thing that’s different about this relationship is I’m always the one doing the breaking up.  Then immediately after, I regret it.  I guess I don’t deal with confrontation very well.  I am so used to guys leaving me that I anticipate it.  This man is not that type who just runs at the first sign of trouble.  I expect him to react that way, so I try to beat him to the punch.  We are taking a little break…mostly so I can get my mind together.

I don’t want to hurt him anymore and he is tired of my crap, so we are not going to date again until I have things under control.  I know I love him and want to be with him, but that’s not enough.  We both want a healthy adult relationship.  I have never had one of those(romantically).  I developed some very negative habits in my 10 years of dating.  I am determined to break this destructive cycle.  I will no longer let the men who hurt me in the past control my life.  I want to be happy.  I am taking control of my life.

I have recently admitted to myself that I have an addiction.  I won’t say what it is.  There may actually be more than one.  Anyway, I’m taking the steps necessary to get my life in order.  I will be 30 years old in less than two months.  Time really flies when you’re not having fun.  Lol.  Just kidding.  I have had some fun, but I have experienced a lot of pain as well.  Who hasn’t?  The important thing is God has kept me through it all.  I’m still standing.  I bent, but I did not break.  Thirty is going to be amazing!!!  I am going to achieve my goals.  I don’t know how long it will take, but I’m willing to put in the work.  Can’t spend anymore time watching life pass me by.  I am going to write that novel.  I am going to get married and have children.  I am going to move into my dream home.  There’s plenty of time.  No rush.  Or there might not be much time.  Only God knows.  I better get started, so I can at least  say I tried.  God bless.  Happy Autumn!

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