That really does seem like it’s all my boyfriend and I do. The thing that’s different about this relationship is I’m always the one doing the breaking up. Then immediately after, I regret it. I guess I don’t deal with confrontation very well. I am so used to guys leaving me that I anticipate it. This man is not that type who just runs at the first sign of trouble. I expect him to react that way, so I try to beat him to the punch. We are taking a little break…mostly so I can get my mind together.
I don’t want to hurt him anymore and he is tired of my crap, so we are not going to date again until I have things under control. I know I love him and want to be with him, but that’s not enough. We both want a healthy adult relationship. I have never had one of those(romantically). I developed some very negative habits in my 10 years of dating. I am determined to break this destructive cycle. I will no longer let the men who hurt me in the past control my life. I want to be happy. I am taking control of my life.
I have recently admitted to myself that I have an addiction. I won’t say what it is. There may actually be more than one. Anyway, I’m taking the steps necessary to get my life in order. I will be 30 years old in less than two months. Time really flies when you’re not having fun. Lol. Just kidding. I have had some fun, but I have experienced a lot of pain as well. Who hasn’t? The important thing is God has kept me through it all. I’m still standing. I bent, but I did not break. Thirty is going to be amazing!!! I am going to achieve my goals. I don’t know how long it will take, but I’m willing to put in the work. Can’t spend anymore time watching life pass me by. I am going to write that novel. I am going to get married and have children. I am going to move into my dream home. There’s plenty of time. No rush. Or there might not be much time. Only God knows. I better get started, so I can at least say I tried. God bless. Happy Autumn!
2014 is the year I am going to work harder toward finding my path in life. I finally have a job. It’s not something I want to do for a long period of time, but it is nice to be employed again. Still, the focus is on obtaining my first library position. People have told me time and time again that I need to do volunteer work to get my foot in the door. Having the degree is not enough. I understand that, and I am going to volunteer at my local library.
The job I’m doing now is pushing me to work harder to start my career. I don’t want to just work a job. I don’t want to wake up every morning ready to go to work only so I can hurry up and get it over with. I want to work in a place where I am excited to go most days. The library is that place. The library is like a second home to me. It’s time for me to put aside all my fears of not being good at what I want to do, and just go for it! I can only become better through experience. Over the next few months, I will be updating my blog with my experiences as a library volunteer…and soon as a librarian.
Well my first ALA conference is coming to an end. I enjoyed this experience tremendously, but I am so glad to be going home tomorrow. I got a chance to meet great authors, learned valuable information about being a librarian, and got free books. Those are just a few of the benefits of this conference.
I plan to attend more of these in the future. I think I will get a lot more out of it once I become a librarian. As a student, I felt a little like an outsider in some of the sessions. Many of the other people were bonding over experiences that I haven’t had yet. I am excited about becoming a librarian. For now, I think I still want to be a YA librarian, but who knows?
Next time I visit California, I want it to be a leisure trip. I want to go to Disneyland, visit Hollywood, and just enjoy this beautiful state without being on such a strict schedule. See ya next time, California.
Tomorrow I head to Anaheim, CA for the 2012 American Library Association’s 2012 Annual Conference. I am very excited, but nervous too. I’ve never been to California, and I haven’t been on a plane since 2006. I am looking forward to meeting interesting people in my field, and doing some networking that may lead to a job opportunity. I’m excited about getting out of North Carolina for a few days. I love my state, but a change of scenery will be nice.
I don’t write in this blog very often, so I’ll probably post some updates about my trip. I won’t post too many details about the serious stuff. That will go in the paper that I have to write. It will be interesting to see what some of these librarians are like outside of campus. There are some pretty cool people…I think. Lol. Anyway, I don’t really have much to say. I’m just trying to kill some time and ease my nerves.
One thing I’m not looking forward to is being at the airport at 4 a.m. tomorrow morning. Fortunately, my sister agreed to drive me to the airport, so at least I don’t have to make that morning drive by myself. I’m sure my nerves will settle once I’m actually at the airport, checked in and with my group.
I read an article about a young woman who gave birth to a baby boy, after being set on fire and shot. Who was responsible for the attack? Her baby’s father and his roommate. This is despicable. First of all, no human being should EVER treat another human like that. Second, that woman was carrying his child, but he wanted her and the child dead. I guess he just didn’t want another mouth to feed.
I thought it was 2012. I thought there were all kinds of ways to prevent unplanned pregnancies. We have condoms, birth control pills, patches, rings, etc. Then, there’s that other thing-abstinence! I’m trippin’ though. Who wants to abstain from sex? Seriously, though. Go ahead, have sex if you want to, but be responsible about it. If you don’t want to bring a child into the world, take the necessary precautions. Don’t have sex, or use protection. And if somehow, your girlfriend or casual sexual partner becomes pregnant, handle it like a man. If she wants to keep the child, grow up and take responsibility. Work hard so that you can help her take care of that child. Under no circumstances should you try to kill the child or the child’s mother just so your sorry “you-know-what” won’t have to take care of the child.
Sometimes people forget that celebrities are humans too. They feel pain just like us. Unfortunately for them, along with the fame and riches comes scrutiny and criticism about their every move. If we get exhausted, depressed, whatever and have to be hospitalized for it, no one knows about it except those closest to us. Imagine having the whole world making jokes about your health. And we never hear the full story. But, people take what the tabloids give them, and run with it. I would never want to be famous. I just don’t feel like it’s worth it. I want to be rich, but still relatively unknown.
I am writing this in reference to Ray J’s recent hospitalization. According to his reps, he has been way too busy lately. His body just needs rest. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some depression there too. He was devastated after Whitney Houston’s death in February. If you don’t take enough time to properly grieve a loss like that, it will eventually catch up to you. Of course this is just me speculating. Anyway, my prayers go out to Ray J. I hope he’s back to his normal self soon. Next time you want to make jokes about someone’s medical issues, no matter how big or small, stop and think for a minute. Are you that miserable that you get pleasure from someone else’s pain?